Help Wanted....

So the first thing I need to know is if anyone has a dog with a really bad drooling problem as I have twenty envelopes that need to be licked and mailed out. I know that this may be asking a lot, but if that same dog could run to the post office and buy me two sheets of stamps that would be just fantastic.

I was going through one of our photo albums and found these two pictures of Christa’s grandfather, Bill Dolan. I think they are from 2001. I thought everyone might want to see them. If anyone needs a better look let me know and I will email you a higher resolution copy.

I haven’t heard from several people lately. I hope I haven’t offended anyone. I don't know how I could have as I have yet to suggest that the current medical/insurance system needs to be blown up. Let me know how things are going. After all, it is nice to get to talk to an adult on occasion.

Peace and Good Cheer,
Marty

New Blog and Other News.

I spent the weekend developing a new blog. It will be the new home for The Christa Ballew-Matthews Memorial Fund For The Arts. All the news relating to the Memorial Fund such as updates and new totals will be posted there. It is a work in progress so please feel free to tell me what you think of the site this far and what you think the site needs.

In other news, we are going to have a busy week ahead as Eilish has her first gymnastics meet of the season on November 5th. We have to be there at 9 am. We also have to figure out how to fit Halloween into her practice schedule. I think that she will do a short day on Tuesday, the 31st, and then we will go trick-or-treating in the District downtown. I’ve decided that I didn’t want to deal with the little hobgoblins in the neighborhood.

I hope everyone notices that I’m getting this posted well before 11 pm. This may be some kind of record for me. Hopefully I won’t have to go back and do as much editing in the morning to clean up what I posted the night before.

I hope everyone has a good week and Happy Halloween.

Good Scares and Good Cheers.
Marty

Shutter Bug

The pictures that I have been posting lately, of Christa, were taken about eighteen years ago just after I met her. The pictures of her in a red sweater, some of which are already posted, are very special to me because that is the very sweater she was wearing when we met the first time. I took most of these photos because at the time she was an aspiring modal and wanted me to help her build a portfolio. I haven’t looked at most of these pictures in at least ten years, now I can’t see them enough.

She actually enjoyed both sides of the camera. If memory serves me well, I think she was a school photographer at B.H.S. She studied photography at the University of Nevada Reno and took hundreds of photos of the children which I need to download from her camera.

She told me once that she fell in love with me on our first date. I don’t know if it was love at first sight, but I feel I can make a very strong case for love at second sight. And really, a love that is still going after eighteen year, whether first or second sight, is still better than many can attest to.

Good Love, Good Memories, and Good Cheers,
Marty

First, Second, Third, and Last.

First. My cousin, Elizabeth, has been getting some wonderful emails in response to the article that she about Christa. She has posted some of them on her blog, Elizabeth-the writer. If you have time please read them as they have been very positive and show how Christa continues to touch other peoples lives.

Second. I have decided to take the week of Christmas, Dec. 23rd thru Dec. 31st, off. I don’t think that I need to be rolling burritos during the week that has Christmas, Christa’s birthday, and our anniversary. I’m going to try to find a more inspiring way to celebrate and commemorate all that this week means to me. I hope my thinking cap still fits, if not I’m in trouble.

Third. I just stopped to think about what I want to write next and fell asleep at the keyboard. It’s ok, no one got hurt. I guess I need to hit the hay before my forehead has keyboard impressions on it.

Last. I gotta give a shout out to the ladies at Show-Me Gymnastics. You could not ask for better friends. Thank you for all that you have done for myself and my family.

Peace and Good Cheers.
Marty

I Highly Recommend This Book.

I don't know if everyone heard the story about this book, so here it goes. The day that Christa passed away, We went over to pick up the girls at school. The school councilor helped us tell the girls the news and then she read them this book, The Next Place by Warren Hanson. After reading the story to them, she then gave them the book and showed them that literally every teacher at the school had written them a little note of support and had signed it.

This is a wonderful book which can help make the death of a loved one a little less scary. It is also beautifully illustrated.

We quoted part of this book on the Memorial Service pamphlet. I have also bought several copies to give as gifts. One of the books I purchased will be going back to the school so that they have a copy on hand when they have another child facing a similar situation, hopefully years from now.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

Nothing to Say in Under 500 Words.

Friday I felt like I had so many things to say. Now I seem to be at a loss of words. Hopefully it is a temporary condition. Christa would have told you that this is not a condition that I tend to suffer from. We would often get into long debates over every topic imaginable. It never failed that our longest discussions were held in the middle of the night when we would both have to be up early in the morning. This is probably why it is easier for me to put fingers to keyboard after 10:30 pm. It's that and the fact that the kids are sound asleep.


Eilish and I took Rowen over to get his hair cut today. Rowen was hilarious. He found the electric clippers ticklish and had a very hard time sitting still. After all is said and done he is now clean cut kid.

Elora went over to her friend Kira's house a little after 2 pm and didn't get home till after 7 pm. She was out by 8 pm. They must have played hard. I did get some work out of yesterday. She cleaned and organized the bathroom and helped pick up her room. The power of blackmail.

Well I’m getting tired and Bart is getting ready to divorce his parents on the Simpsons. Here is to low brow humor.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

In The News and Other Tidbits.

The article that my cousin Elizabeth wrote for the Tulsa World's Satalite section was published today. It is titled Breast cancer a distant concern for most - until it takes the life of someone you love. I think she did a really nice job. Last I heard, Elizabeth wanted to attend the journalism school at MU. I hope everyone will take a moment to read it.

I think when I get Christa's other sculptures finished, I'm going to see if I can give her the exhibit she deserves. Maybe I could organize it as a fund raiser for the Memorial Fund.

By the way the total for the Memorial Fund now stands at $1145. I think we are doing pretty good. I don't really know what to expect from something like this.

She does have a beautiful smile.

Peace and Good Cheers.
Marty

Nice Words From the Professor.

I received the following email from Christa's sculpture professor today:

Hello Marty,

I am so very sorry to hear of Christa's passing. She was such a
wonderful, talented person, I feel honored to have had the chance to
work with her. She exhibited a sense of grace and good cheer that
endeared her to absolutely everyone in the sculpture program. Please
accept my sincerest sympathies for your loss. I will, of course, be more
than happy to see that her work is finished according to your wishes.
Let me know when your schedule would permit a meeting and we can discuss
the details.

In sympathy,

Jim Calvin

Pretty cool don't you think. I will post more later.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

Coffee for the Brain.

Well I'm setting at Coffee Zone drinking my morning cup of joe, trying to compose a mental list of the things I need to get done today. I keep getting distracted by The Best of Frank Sinatra that is playing in the background. I still find it surprising how many of his songs I know. You can never tell what kind of music is going to be playing in this place. It could be anything from Frank to Andre to Middle Eastern Chant. Osama,the gentleman who owns this place, is from Jordan. He is also a cancer survivor. You never know who that “one in four” person is going to be.

Second cup of coffee and the fog is starting to lift. I’m beginning to believe that my next career may be in the non-profit field. I have told a few people of my idea to form an organization that gives cancer patients a chance to have a night out, enjoying the arts, and forgetting about their disease. I think that this would involve me in two areas that I enjoy and can make a difference in. No need to panic yet, I’m just brainstorming. I don’t want a job anymore that just pays the bills anymore. I want a career that allows me to “pay it forward”.

I think that the story that my cousin, Elizabeth, is writing about Christa is going to run this Friday. I will post a link to the story as soon as I have one. It is going to run in the Tulsa World’s Satellite section as part of their coverage for Breast Cancer Awareness Month.

I’m going to post this now, finish my coffee, and get going on my list of things that need to be done. I'll write more soon.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

Christa Memorial Project.

I've decided to take the wraps off one of the proposed projects for the Christa Ballew-Matthews Memorial Fund for the Arts.

The building to the left is Lee Expressive Arts School. Both Eilish and Elora attend school here. They just celebrated their centennial a couple of years back.

The students at Lee have designed and made tile murals to be installed in the white areas that you see above the five large windows shown. The next photo shows a similar project that was done by Lee students and installed at the Columbia Public Library. There is also a PDF file that gives a detail look of the installation at the library.

From what I have heard there are several reasons that the school board has not allowed the project at the school to be completed, the largest of which is lack of funds for the installation. I hope that by showing that the funds are now available, the other reasons will fall by the wayside.

Christa and I often talked about how this project needed to be completed. It seems a more than fitting memorial for an artist like Christa.

With Fingers Crossed and Good Cheer,
Marty

Saying Goodbye Again.

I want to say to Christa's family how truly sorry I am about the passing of Christa's grandfather, Bill Dolan. The last two months have been really hard on them and I hope that my family and friends will take a moment and say a prayer for them as they struggle with this second loss.

Please follow these links to read a very interesting story about Bill Dolan that the Nevada Appeal published about him on October 13.

Services will be October 17th at the Episcopal Church in Carson City, Nevada.

Good Memories and Good Cheers,
Marty

Inflammatory Breast Cancer Links.

My wife was diagnosed with Inflammatory Breast Cancer in January of 2005. She passed away on September 18 2006. I'm writing this not to dishearten anyone newly diagnosed with this form of breast cancer, but to let you know that I have been where you are and to hopefully save you time researching this disease.

The number is anywhere from one to four percent of all breast cancer patients are facing this diagnosis. Don't waste time looking for a prognosis. Find the best doctor you can who has had experience battling this condition. The following links are a few of the sites that I found beneficial:

Siteman Cancer Center
Inflammatory Breast Cancer Research Foundation
American Cancer Society
National Cancer Institute
The Mayo Clinic
I. B. C Support

I hope you find these sites helpful. The thing I would tell you is be as aggressive in your choices of treatment as this disease is. I wish you the best and if I can answer any questions please let me know.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

Drum Roll Please and a Thank You.

We have a new total for the Christa Ballew-Matthews Memorial Fund for the Arts. The previous total was $660. The new total is (this is wher the drum roll should be) $945. We are headed in the right direction.

My cousin, Elizabeth, is a Satellite correspondent for the Tulsa World. Satellite is a teen section of the newspaper. She is writing a story about Christa which will run with a picture of Christa and a picture of a charcoal, left, that she did a couple of years ago. I will post a link to the story when it runs.

I finally got around to taking a thank you card over to the girls school. It took me literally hours to write it because I wanted to make sure that is said exactly what I felt. The following is the text of that letter:

Principal Vandover, Shelly Hamilton, and every teacher at Lee Elementary,

The words “Thank You” hardly seem adequate for what you have done for my family and myself. Christa believed that the arts were just as important as reading, writing, and arithmetic. Without an understanding of art, the core subjects are nothing more than zeros and ones in a computer. It was Christa’s choice to send our children to Lee Elementary. Thank you for confirming, over and over, that she made the right choice.

May God bless you as much as He has blessed us with you.

Thank You,
Eilish, Elora, Rowen, and Marty Matthews

I'm posting it here because I want everyone to know that, as far as I am concerned, these people walk on water. They go above and beyond what is required. I can only hope that one day I can "pay-it-forward" in as selfless a fashion.

Peace and Good Cheers.
Marty

More Pictures from the Kiddie Park.

My mom sent me these pictures today. They were taken at the Kiddie Park in August just before the girls had to go back to school. Sorry the person setting to her left in the first picture couldn't turn his frown upside down.

Spiderman in the second picture got a pair of spiderman flannel pajamas a couple of days ago. They are the type that button up the front. He thinks they are pretty cool. He has to be peeled out of them every morning.

I've decided to email Christa's sculpter professor at MU to see if he would be willing to finish a couple of Christa's bronzes if I pay for the materials. I would really like to get at least the horse sculpter done so that the children have at least one sculpture each of thier moms.

Sorry this post is all over the map. It's just a bunch of random thoughts I've been thinking about today. I hope everyone is well.

Peace and Good Cheer,
Marty

Christa Smiling.

My sister found these pictures of Christa in her computer. The first one looks like it was taken sometime in the spring/summer of 2005 at the Kiddie Park. The second one must have been taken at my parents house, over Christmas of 2005. As Jennifer said, in her email, it is nice to see her smile agian.

I hope everyone is doing well and I hope that everyone has found thier favorite picture of Christa to hold in thier hearts. I will be posting more of mine over time.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty

Give The Child Credit.

Good Morning. Just a quick note about something that happened last night. We were having "movie night" and I kept hearing this clunking around of stuff in Rowens room. As usual, his attention span for the movie was not two hours long. So I called back to him and asked him what he was doing. He said moving my picture. I hadn't heard anything break yet so I put it out of my mind.

When I was putting him to bed I noticed that the 8x10 of Christa, that I had told him was his, was no longer where I had placed it. I had put it in my room so it wouldn't get broken. Rowen had cleared of a place in the middle of his play table, in his room, and moved the picture in there. The picture is probably in a safer position than when it was in my room. I may have been selling the little guy short on what he understands.

Good Memories and Good Cheers,
Marty

Freeze Frame.

I decided today that the kids should each have a picture of Christa to call thier own. So I let the girls each pick a picture of Christa that they liked, and then we went and had them blown up to 8x10 and framed. Eilish picked a photo of Christa that was taken in one of the parks in Bartlesville. Christa is standing on a red cargo net that is suspendend off the ground. The wind is blowing and she is trying to keep her balance.

Elora picked a black and white photo of Christa that I took the summer we started dating. Elora said she likes the leaves in background. I think that she also likes the that it is a more of a "close-up" than many of the pictures are. Elora told me today that she "misses making things" with mommy.

For Rowen, I chose a picture that was taken the same day as the one Eilish chose. In this picture Christa is sitting on the cargo net and smiling. It is one of the pictures that was in the foyer of the church at the memorial service. If he wants to choose a different one later he can. I just didn't want him to be left out.

I have also decided that I don't like the greeting, "how are you?' or "how are you doing?" anymore. The reason I don't like this greeting is that I don't know who is asking because they know about Christa or who is asking because they don't know about Christa. I'm tired of answering, "hanging in there" or "ok". I am tempted to say, "you know considering .............., I'm doing good. How about you?" Sometimes it really is hard to be polite. Let's all find a new greeting, or a least if you do ask, be prepared for a honest answer.

Peace and Good Cheer,
Marty

Think Pink, Give Green.

I was just reminded on the news that October is "Breast Cancer Awareness Month". The month when everyone rolls out all thier pink products with the promise that a "portion" of the proceeds will go to breast cancer research.

Christa didn't like this marketing technique. She believed that if you really wanted to give money to a cause, including breast cancer research, open your checkbook and write the next check to any of the agencies that are directly involved in research. Take the $250. dollars that you were going to spend on the lovely pink KitchenAid mixer and send it to The American Cancer Society or Washington University. That $250 will do a lot more good than the small precentage that KitchenAid may send and then you can buy the color that you really want.

I'm not trying to pick on KitchenAid. They just happen to be the company I remember most vividly from last year. Seems like everyone wants in on the pink.

If your going to give, give however your most comfortible. Remember, it could be one of you dollars that may save you wife, daughter, or your son.

Peace and Good Cheer,
Marty
Tha

I'll Get By With a Little Help From My Friend.

I picked the kids at Shelly's house after work today and on the way home I decided that we would stop and get some food. We all decided where to go and told the kids we were going through the drive-thru because I was tired. Elora decided that she wanted to go in and started throwing a fit. As I drove by the menu board, not stoping to order, I told Elora that because of her attitude she had decided that we would just eat at home. She procided to melt down, kicking the back of Eilish's set and screaming at the top of her lungs.

I'm telling you this because this little drama was one of those times that I heard Christa whispering to me, "Ignore her," "Just go home," "She will remember this lesson next time."

We got home and I got out of the car, got Rowen out of his seat, and came inside leaving Elora in the car with two simple instuctions. She was not to leave our yard and she was not play with anyone.

Now the wierd part was that as we came in the front door, Eilish was letting my nieghbor in through the backdoor with a pot roast dinner. I had forgotten that she had come by yesterday and had said that she wanted to do that.

I went out and told Elora that someone had brought food and that if she was going to eat anything else this evening she had better come eat now and that I would not ask again. She came in and ate some. One point for me with the assist.

Listen and Good Cheers,
Marty

Her Voice.

I think the thing that really gets me the most is the silience. The not hearing her voice. The not hearing her breathing next to me in bed.

After Christa and her family moved to Nevada, she used to call me after she had been out partying just to say that she wanted to "hear my voice". It was always good to hear her voice. I don't know if, at the time, she ever factored in the fact that she was two hours behind and that 1:30 a.m. her time was 3:30 a.m. my time.

I hear her voice in my head now but it is hard to remember what that voice sounds like. It is more a whisper saying "be patient" or "get this done". Hopefully I can add her voice to mine and say all the things I need to say with the grace and insight that my other half carried with her.

Peace and Good Cheers,
Marty